So last week I get a email from a past time intimate friend. He was polite, concerned and brief in his email. I responded back, but not after thinking about it a lot. It took me many days and emotional searching to coming up with the courage to return his message and to later call him after he left his number in a follow up email. I shed tears, I did a full list that outlined the pros and cons for calling him. Funny I sometimes wonder if I invited him back into my life using the law of attraction. I was thinking about and I my have even said the love word attached to his name, but only to myself and maybe the universe. My aversion calling leads me to believe that I do have feelings for him. I also knew that I cared I was not convinced that my feelings were return and I was left feeling most needy and mostly hurting and wondering.
In the time that we were apart I justified the reason for not calling being that he did not care about me in the same way that I felt about him. I felt powerless in the relationship so I was willing to walk away from him. The common pattern with us is separation reconciliation and then hot sex. Hot sex that was good for it’s pure reason but no good at establishing connection of real sense of security.